Dealing with Difficult Coworkers – Part II

A List of Do’s and Don’ts

Often a work environment can make or break a job opportunity. If you find that one difficult coworker is making your current position a nightmare, you may need a few tips to help you better deal with your work situation. In our last newsletter we gave you the following five do’s and don’ts in dealing with difficult coworkers:

1. Do examine yoursel.
2. Don’t avoid your feelings
3. Do confide in a friend or family membe.
4. Don’t gossip
5. Do consider your options

This week we’ll wrap up the series by sharing the final five:

6. Don’t avoid the problemWe promise that ignoring the problem will never make it disappear. As unfortunate as the situation may be, you will have to address it in order to resolve the problem. But that requires some forethought. First consider the following: Is the coworker approachable? Does your employer have a conflict resolution process in place? Is this issue less about the coworker and more about you standing up for yourself? Once you pinpoint the actual problem and potential approaches you’ll be better prepared to actually resolve it.7. Do confront the coworkerYou may be tempted to talk to your colleagues or even your supervisor about the difficult coworker. But the truth is it’s unfair to approach anyone else before approaching the person with whom you’re struggling. Make sure you’ve thought through your talking points before engaging with the difficult coworker. And what is the best environment for this discussion? Should you treat the coworker to lunch? Should you schedule a time in your conference room? Is it appropriate to meet in your office or cubicle? You don’t want the situation to escalate by approaching your coworker in a public environment that leaves him/her feeling vulnerable.And be thoughtful as you prepare for this conversation. Remember that your response to this coworker is currently your problem; you don’t want to attack your coworker by pointing out his/her faults. Open the discussion by telling the coworker that you have a problem (not them, you). Then describe the problem using non-threatening terms. (For example, “In staff meeting, you often interrupt me when I’m sharing my thoughts or opinions.”) Then tell the coworker how you feel about their behavior. (For example, “When that happens I feel I cannot contribute to this organization as I should. I also feel as if you do not respect me.”) Explain that you want to have a good relationship with this coworker and hope they feel the same way. This opening may enable you to have a production discussion. If you find the conversation moving from bad to worse, excuse yourself and consider other alternatives.8. Don’t take the low roadRegardless of what happens you will not improve the situation by speaking poorly of this coworker. Always take the high road and avoid name calling, belittling, backbiting, and gossiping.9. Do involve others, if necessaryIf you’ve approached this coworker with little effect and find that their behavior continues to impede your work, you may have to involve your supervisor. Again as difficult as it may be you must avoid emotion when discussing this coworker; also steer clear of derogatory descriptions of their troubling behavior. As much as possible, base your discussion on succinct, factual descriptions.10. Don’t expect poor treatmentRegardless of what happens you should never come to expect poor treatment. If a coworker continues to abuse or mistreat you, there may come a time when you must file a complaint or quit your job; no position is worth enduring a negative work environment.

Your relationships with coworkers can make your job a joy, or it can make it miserable. When you find yourself struggling with a colleague it is important to address the situation immediately rather than waiting to see if it goes away. Using these 10 tips you should quickly come to an understanding of how to better deal with difficult coworkers.